How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
- ISBN13: 9781570628122
- Condition: New
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“Most people think of love as a feeling,” says David Richo, “but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.” In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:
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(out of 45 reviews)
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Why Can’t You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship
- ISBN13: 9781569244753
- Condition: New
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Most people think that poor communication is the reason why so many relationships end, but it’s actually the way we learn to think about our partners and our problems that kills trust, erodes intimacy, and cripples communication. In Why Can’t You Read My Mind?, psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein reveals—for the first time—the nine toxic thought patterns at work in virtually every intimate relationship, and shows you how the distorted, negative, exaggerated thoughts you and your partne
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(out of 17 reviews)
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Review by S. L. Hale for How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
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I originally sought books to help me get over a man in my life that is still IN my life, but not committed to me. We are the classic “friends with benefits” only he’s benefiting more than I am…much more. This book has reinforced in a HUGE way what I already knew but chose to ignore. It teaches us how change IS scary…even if it’s healthy change. It’s scary because it’s what we become to know and feel comfortable with after awhile. It reaches deep into the psyche and shows why we stay in relationships that aren’t so healthy. It connects us to our childhood, but not in a crutching sort of manner like some readings which “blame” our current choices all on childhood incidences, but rather shows us why we possibly make some of the decisions that we do.You won’t be disappointed in this book. I had to force myself to put it down and sleep. I read it in two days. I underlined SO many sections that applied to me. This book is a lifetime keeper!!! Get one for you or someone close to you if you feel they need to make some changes in the way they choose relationships in their lives. You (or them) will be happy you did!!!One warning…It’s very truthful. Sometimes when you hear something you dont like, it can have a profound effect. I cried reading this book several times because it talked about my life…my thought processes and my feelings when choosing and staying with a partner.
Review by J. Marui for How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
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I bought two books by this author: How to be an adult, and How to be an adult in relationships. Both are excellent.
Even though their titles begin with How to… these are not self-help books.
In this book, the author discusses what love is: giving attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing – the five A’s as he calls it. The language used is beautiful, the way the author thinks is inspiring, and you can just feel that he himself is a loving person. No ego-based, “let me tell you how amazing I am” paragraphs here.
The book is valuable as a piece of literature, as a philosophical and psychological work. I reread and contemplated many pages.
The bottom line is this: if you are looking for a quick-fix, feel good book – skip this one. If you are prepared to do the work, if you are not afraid of realization that learning how to love is a life-long process, and are not scared of (as another reviewer put it) big words, this is the book that is worth reading – again and again.
Review by deirdre_of_the_sorrows for How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
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I bought this book in the midst of confusion as to wether I was going to get married or break off a relationship with a particular person. I am a psychologist and a lover, and an avid reader of self-help and vampire booksA long time ago a friend of mine said to me “BE TRUE TO YOURSELF”. Mr. Richo does just that. Feelings of validity and recognition of personal pain flow from this book as you read it and it becomes part of you. This book helped me to make so many decisions and also helped me to gain a lot more self-esteem by making me realize what was happening right in front of my eyes. I tabbed, underlined, highlighted and starred so many pages, I had friends read shapters to help them with their relationships, and it is amazing the kind of feedback this book gets. Do yourself a favor and check this one out. Pick the parts that you need to read first, and you will gain all that you know withought ever having to read through an introduction or a foward first. The table of contents is thorough and all of your issues are right in front of you. An amazing tool, a great gift, a life-long partner, a second bible.
Review by Nick Nikolaiovich for How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
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This book moved me enough to actually write this review, not something I would normally do.
I picked this book up in the middle of the night after waking from an anxiety attack about what was happening in my very new “relationship” with a woman whom I had fallen head over heals for, at age 59, and who had just told me she needed space and I needed to deal with some of my issues before we could continue. This book was sitting in her kitchen — her therapist had recommended she read it — and I started reading random chapters hoping it would put me back to sleep. Hours later, I realized I had to buy this book because it resonated so clearly and deeply with me.
I have read John Kabat-Zinn’s books about mindfulness, and have made periodic, albeit less than whole-hearted attempts at meditating and other forms of mindfulness, but this book put it in a context which had immediacy and urgency to me. It literally helped snap me out of the “ether”. Part of its appeal/resonance is its broad inclusions of different forms of pyschological practices mixed with spiritual insights and a lot of sound personal observation of us mortal human beings.
After numerous years of therapy and self-help/self-therapy, this book made me take ACTION to genuinely change, and it has helped me see how/where I need to change, and given me the assurance and comfort to believe that we can indeed change ourselves (though people under 30 might not be able to appreciate this as much until they’ve had more life experiences to be able to discern the patterns of their life). I have mentioned this book to everyone I know who might be interested, including a few former therapists/counselors. I’m sure I’ll be keeping this book close by for a long time.
Review by for How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
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I bought this book in the midst of a breakup I didn’t understand, and which saddened me beyond belief. In fact I bought several “relationship” books trying to figure out what was happening; however, this one enriched me the most. My boyfriend ignored all of my requests for a “talk” about what was going on after he decided to end it, despite his claim that it was the best relationship he had. At first I blamed his fears about committment and unwillingness to work through conflict and build a life with a partner, something I thought we both wanted. Reading this book, I came to realize that his desire to end the relationship runs much deeper than “we have to break up because I’m moving,” and that his actions are most likely rooted deep in his subconcious, which is telling him that he is unworthy of love. This book also helped me crystalize my own set of motives that I brought to the relationship and helped me see what I did and didn’t do based on my own set of values and “issues.” There are excercises to help you weed out your patterns in terms of relating to people. It’s written with an incredible amount of insight about the nature of relationships, the partners we pick, the psychological material we bring, and the inevitiable vagaries of what happens when two people are in love. I especially liked that the authors don’t “dumb” down the discussion, like so many other books, which address you like you’re an eight grader.I’ve come to realize that the relationship that’s currently dissovling is probably over, as I can’t cajole or convince my partner of anything. This book helped me see that we’re at two different places in our capacity to give and receive love–and it’s FINE for it to be that way. In this way, I’ve found the peace in my heart to let him go with love, acceptance, and compassion so that he can continue on his own heroic journey that he’s mapped out for himself–even if he’s chosen to do it alone. In short, this book gave me some of the understanding and relief that I was seeking and helped me accept that the relationship will end without anything being resolved–hard to accept but necessary to move on. Highly recommended–for both gay and straghts–and I know my next relationship will be better because of my having read this book.
Review by Clare J Daniels for Why Can’t You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship
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I read several good relationship books (including Relationship Rescue) but this book really does bring to light a problem I never knew I had–toxic thinking. Just since reading the book over the weekend, I’ve already improved my relationship with my husband of nine years. I know this sounds crazy but it’s true. The author really gets you thinking about how you think about your relationship and sometimes it’s not very positive. Though it’s very common sense, it’s just not the kind of thing I would have realized on my own. I also like the author’s style, very upbeat and fun, not at all psycho babbly like a lot of congnitive relationship books.
Review by Amanda for Why Can’t You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship
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This book really makes you take a look at how you are contributing to the problems in your relationship, I found myself saying “wow, i do that”….A LOT. For me, and i would guess most people when they are having relationship problems get to a point where they think they have done everything they can to fix it….when really we do just the opposite. I always considered myself extremely giving and open and my partner totally selfish, and reading this book made me realize how selfish i am. I think this book is a great tool for looking at our own behavior..Also, it gives plenty of great examples and ways to improve.
Review by A Reader for Why Can’t You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship
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Before we found this book, my husband and I were highly discourgaged and didn’t think there were any solutions to repair our miserable relationship. All I can say is that this book finally stopped us from resenting and blaming each other for the crumbling of our marriage. I had seen Dr. Bernstein on the Today Show a while ago when they had a segment on toxic relationships and I remembered the title, Why Can’t You Read My Mind? This book helped us to understand and appreciate each other in ways we never have before. I only wish that I had bought it before our relationship got so bad. My advice is don’t wait till the 11th hour to read this outstanding book.
Review by Aella for Why Can’t You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship
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This is the most amazing book I have ever stumbled across. It not only gave me a new perspective on love and relationships but I was able to incorporate the logic of it into all areas of my life. I’ve recommended it to friends left and right. This is definitely a must read.
Review by for Why Can’t You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship
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I agree with the first reviewer, it’s crazy, but this book really does make a difference and fast. I learned that I’m a Blame thinker and an All or Nothing thinker when it comes to my relationship. The scary thing is, negative thoughts about my fiance, who won’t move forward and set a date, are very automatic. I’m working now to break the habit. I’m glad I read this book.